4. sadness; gloom; dejection.
5. Psychiatry . a condition of general emotional dejection and withdrawal; sadness greater and more prolonged than that warranted by any objective reason.
It's symptoms can range from one extreme really to the other. You're sad. You cry a lot. You're unhappy most of the time. Nothing you do brings you happiness or peace. But it goes well beyond that for some people. It becomes so much a part of your life you feel as if you'll never escape it. Most people wouldn't be able to tell if someone was depressed - not it that person hides it well.
I am one of those people. Surprised? I think many people would be. To look at me, I don't think anyone would be able to tell. But I am. I was diagnosed with depression 11 years ago. Four months after my mother passed away from cancer, I sat in my Doctor's office, crying uncontrollably. Crying for no reason. The tears just exploded from my eyes and would NOT stop. My lovely Dr just smiled at me, reached for a box of kleenex, handed them to me and waited for the rush of emotions to calm down enough so that I could speak. It took a while if I remember correctly. I can remember the conversation as if it was yesterday. "I do this ALL the time." "I lock myself in the bathroom for hours crying" "I hide down in the darkened basement and I just cry" "I'm not sleeping well anymore - I either want to sleep all the time, or not at all" He looked at me with kind understanding eyes and said "I can tell you exactly what's wrong - you're suffering from depression. It's completely understandable considering all that you've gone through with your mother. Depression comes in all shapes and sizes and for all kinds of reasons. I can help you"
And he did. He wrote me a prescription for an anti-depressant. A mild one, none addictive. It turned out to be the best thing ever. I called them my "Happy Pills" I spent the next 4 years needing them. I got through my grief of losing my Mother, only to lose my husband 2 years later. It's been a rough road, these last 11 years.
Most of my close friends & family know. Most of them understand. Not all mind you, but most. My depression has gone beyond the just feeling sad all the time. The last year or two it has progressed to actual physical pain. I ache all the time. My neck, my shoulders. Headaches. It's not fun. But I cope. I have no choice but to cope. I'm grateful for everything I have been blessed with in my life. I'm trying to make the rest better. But it's hard when most days, the most you can cope with is just getting out of bed and getting dressed. When the entire day disappears without you noticing. When the hours of your life turn into days, then weeks, then months and you can't do anything about the time you've lost.
That's my life. Why did I decide to share this today? Not really sure other then it's been on my mind lately. January is a "bad" month for me. Both my Mother and my husband Pat died in January. So if I'm not talkative, or chatty, or in the mood to be sociable, maybe this will help you understand.
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